God Knows I Don't Want to be an Angel V2
by Acekial
Summary: A tragic event changes Shinji's life forever, How will he cope?
1. Chapter 1

Acekial: I do not own NGE, it is the property of Gainax and Hideaki Anno.

God Knows I don't Want To Be An Angel V.2, Chapter 1

How it Began

This story belonged to Psychotik Angel, but he has given me permission to continue it since he is no longer interested in continuing it.

**Cruel Angel Thesis**  
Young boy, like a cruel angel's thesis,  
Live up to be a legend...

Even though clear blue winds明確で青い風のに  
Beat on the door of my heart,私の中心のドアの音  
You just smile, looking straight at me兦?な微瑣? 私をまっすぐに見ること  
Too involved in yearning forを慕うことで余りに含まれて  
Something to hold on握ることを何か  
The innocent eyes still no nothing of fate yet.まだまだ無実の目運命の何も無し。

But someday you will noticeしかしいつの日か気づく  
On those shoulders of yourあなたののそれらの肩  
There are strong wings強い翼がある  
To guide you to the far future.遠い将来に導くため。

A cruel angel's thesis残酷な天使の誦lt;BR Will someday fly high from the window意志は窓からいつの日か高く飛ぶ  
If memories are betrayed by記憶が裏切られれば  
The overflowing, burning emotions.流出、非常に熱い感じ。  
Young boy, shine like a legend,若い男の子、伝誣?ような輝やき、  
Holding the sky in your arms.あなたの腕の空の把握。

The cradle of love that sleeps within me私の内で眠る愛の揺りかご  
There will be a morning thatそれ朝がある  
A servant of dreams will come for you.夢の使用人はあなたのために来る。  
The moonlight shines on your thin neckline.月光はあなたの薄いneckline で照る。  
I'd stop time in this world私はこの世界の停止時間  
And lock it away for myself, but...そして自分自身のためにそれを締めなさい、しかし...

If there is any meaning意味があれば  
In the fate that pulled us together,私達を一緒に引っ張った運命では、  
Then I am, yes, the Bibleそれから私はある、はい、聖書  
That teaches you of freedom.それは自由の教える。

A cruel angel's thesis残酷な天使の誦lt;BR And then sorrow comes forthそして悲哀は来る  
When the shapes of the dreams you hold in your armsあなたがあなたの腕で保持する夢の形時  
Come to life within you.あなたの内の生命に来られる。  
Young boy, who shines brighter than anyone else,若い男の子、だれでもより明るい他に照らすかだれが、  
Rise to become a legend.伝誣?なる上昇。

People weave together love to create history歴史を作成するために人々は愛を一緒に編む  
And so I live on,そしてそう私は住んでいる、  
Unable to become a goddess...女神になることない...

A cruel angel's thesis残酷な天使の誦lt;BR Will someday fly high from the window意志は窓からいつの日か高く飛ぶ  
If memories are betrayed by記憶が裏切られれば  
The overflowing, burning feelings.流出、非常に熱い感じ。  
Young boy, shine like a legend,若い男の子、伝誣?ような輝やき、  
Holding the sky in your arms.あなたの腕の空の把握。

**Reason for Existing  
**

**The reason why one is allowed to be here**

**  
In the case of Shinji Ikari**

Shinji Ikari looked into the grey mist that surrounded him. It felt familiar to him. Warm, comforting, safe. Then, suddenly, he

found himself in his Eva, dressed appropriately for fighting. He looked up and he saw the fifth child and the final angel,

Kaworu Nagisa floating in front of him.

"Kaworu." He whispered to himself.

"Yes, it is I." Koworu said as if Shinji was speaking to him.

**The boy wished for death of his own accord**

"I'm sorry," Shinji said to him, "I didn't want to kill you, there must've been another way I could've turned out"

**The boy granted his wish  
****男の子は彼の願いを許可した**

"You know there wasn't, now you must eliminate me from your dreams, for I cannot exist, not even in the subconscious."

"**NO**! You don't have to die!" Shinji yelled.

"Yes, I must. Now erase me!" Kaworu ordered.

"**NO! I WON'T DO IT!**" He argued.

"Kill me Shinji, only one being can survive and go on for one must perish, I, am the latter being." Kaworu said calmly.

"**NO! NO! NO! I WON'T KILL YOU AGAIN KAWORU!**" He screamed.

"Kill me Shinji." He repeated.

"**NOOOO!**"

"Kill me Shinji."

"Kill me."

Kill me Shinji."

"Kill me."

Shinji bent over in his Eva and wept.

"No, Kaworu, no, not again!" He whispered.

"But you must Shinji, Shinji you must," Kaworu said.

"You must kill me Shinji,"

"Shinji you must."

"Shinji."

"Shinji!"

"**SHINJI!**"

**The final Angel is gone  
****最終的な天使は行く **

"**NOOOOOO!"**

**but Shinji Ikari is tormented  
****しかし****Shinji Ikari ****は苦しむ **

Shinji was rudely shaken awake by Asuka. He opened his eyes and saw her red hair hanging down and her blue

eyes staring at him angrily.

"**SHINJI YOU IDIOT**! **GET UP**! **I WON'T BE LATE FOR SCHOOL AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU**!" She yelled at him.

"I won't kill you again," Shinji said drowsily.

"Shinji, What are you talking about!" Asuka asked in annoyance.

Shinji rubbed his eyes, sat up and looked around. Same old boring room.

"Uh, nothing Asuka, nothing, I was just dreaming." He sighed.

"Well Stop dreaming and get ready, we're going to be late, you know, for school." She laughed, half heartily

throwing Shinji his school uniform.

"Thanks," he said putting on his clothes, "have you heard from Rei Ayanami?"

"No, she still won't come out of her room," Asuka told him, "she's still thinking about Koworu, Misato told me that apparently she was seriously in love with him."

Shinji's jaw dropped. Rei? In love? Never. He had never seen her show any real emotion, let alone love.

"She must hate me." He said quietly.

"Yeah, she probably does." Asuka said airily, leaning against the wall and twirling her hair with her fingers.

"That's not exactly the answer I was looking for Asuka." Shinji said dryly.

Asuka shrugged her shoulders and looked at her watch.

"SHIT! HURRY UP! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!" She said frantically grabbing Shinji's bag and throwing it at him.

Shinji ran down the street after Asuka. He was trying to put his bag on and he wasn't looking where he was going and he ran

into Asuka at a crossroad.

"What the hell Asuka? There's no traffic." Shinji said angrily rubbing his head.

Asuka pointed where she was looking. Shinji looked and his jaw dropped for the second time that morning. There, on the

corner of Old Tokyo 2 street and NERV drive stood Rei Ayanami, yep it was definitely her, you could spot that blue hair a

mile away, and she was making out with some boy.

"Who is that Rei is with?" Shinji whispered to Asuka.

"You, of all people should know who that is, that's Koworu Nagasi." She answered.

Yet again, Shinji's mouth dropped.

Koworu? How? Alive? I killed him. All these thoughts passed through Shinji's head at once.

"Rei!" He yelled out.

Rei turned her head and looked at Shinji blankly with her red eyes.

"Shinji?" She said emptily.

"Yes it's me, what? Who? How? Koworu?" He stuttered.

Rei smiled a smile that Shinji didn't like.

"I was able to rebuild Koworu, now he is even more like me than ever before."

"Rei, I'm sorry, I didn't want to kill him." Shinji apologized.

"Yes," she said, "I know your sorry, and so am I."

"What d-" he began, but before he could say anymore he felt Rei's leg make contact with his chest and he was thrown into the

front of an oncoming truck.

All Shinji could hear Asuka scream and he saw a smiling Rei waving at him. He tried to reach out to her but everything went

black and he gave in to unconsciousness.

**Look ye into that darkness, and ye shall find me there- a me that you have never known.  
**

The next thing Shinji saw was a great light and a sweet music being played. He tried to get to the music but he found that it

was all around him and he began to cry as the music and the light died along with his happiness.

"Where is everyone? Anyone? Asuka? Rei? Koworu?" Shinji cried, " if I ever get out of this I'll tell Asuka that I'v always loved her."

He imagined Asuka in his mind and he almost smiled.

"Asuka." He breathed.

Then as suddenly as the music had come and gone he heard the most beautiful voice he had ever heard calling out his name.

"Shinji," it called out.

"I'm coming." He answered it.

"SHINJI!" The voice said happily.

"Yes," he said opening his eyes.

"Oh my god Shinji, I thought we'd lost you." It was a woman.

He smiled and looked into the woman's eyes. They were a beautiful blue. She was honestly the most beautiful thing he had

ever seen. He realized he was staring and he blushed.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "but have we met?"

The beautiful woman laughed.

"Shinji, it's me Asuka, you idiot." She laughed.

"Asuka?" Shinji puzzled.

"Yes, it's Asuka, you've been in a coma for eighteen years, I'm 33 now." She told him.

"Eighteen years? Wait, where have I been for eighteen years?" He asked confused.

"You've been in a coma, don't you remember? Rei pushed you in front of a truck." Asuka told him.

Shinji couldn't believe this was happening. He looked at his hands. They didn't look any different.

"Of course, for some reason, you didn't age at all," She sighed.

"Eighteen years? It only seemed like a minute." Shinji breathed.

"Well, it's been eighteen years." Asuka said.

"Asuka, I swore to myself that if I ever got out of it I would tell you how I really feel. Asuka Langly, I love you, I've always loved you." Shinji brought himself to say.

Asuka's smile faded and she looked down.

"I've always loved to too Shinji but I'm not Asuka Langly anymore." She told him.

"Your not?" Shinji could feel tears building up in his eyes.

"No, I'm Asuka Ikari." She muttered still looking down.

"Ikari?" Shinji gawped.

**  
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein **

God knows I don't want to be an angel


	2. Chapter 2

Acekial: I do not own NGE, it is the property of Gainax and Hideaki Anno.

God Knows I don't Want To Be An Angel V.2, Chapter 2

Meeting The Family

This story belonged to Psychotik Angel, but he has given me permission to continue it since he is no longer interested in continuing it.

**Cruel Angel Thesis**  
Young boy, like a cruel angel's thesis,若い男の子、残酷な天使の誣?ように、  
Live up to be a legend...まである伝誣?... 住んでいる

Even though clear blue winds明確で青い風のに  
Beat on the door of my heart,私の中心のドアの音  
You just smile, looking straight at me兦?な微瑣? 私をまっすぐに見ること  
Too involved in yearning forを慕うことで余りに含まれて  
Something to hold on握ることを何か  
The innocent eyes still no nothing of fate yet.まだまだ無実の目運命の何も無し。

But someday you will noticeしかしいつの日か気づく  
On those shoulders of yourあなたののそれらの肩  
There are strong wings強い翼がある  
To guide you to the far future.遠い将来に導くため。

A cruel angel's thesis残酷な天使の誦  
Will someday fly high from the window意志は窓からいつの日か高く飛ぶ  
If memories are betrayed by記憶が裏切られれば  
The overflowing, burning emotions.流出、非常に熱い感じ。  
Young boy, shine like a legend,若い男の子、伝誣?ような輝やき、  
Holding the sky in your arms.あなたの腕の空の把握。

The cradle of love that sleeps within me私の内で眠る愛の揺りかご  
There will be a morning thatそれ朝がある  
A servant of dreams will come for you.夢の使用人はあなたのために来る。  
The moonlight shines on your thin neckline.月光はあなたの薄いneckline で照る。  
I'd stop time in this world私はこの世界の停止時間  
And lock it away for myself, but...そして自分自身のためにそれを締めなさい、しかし...

If there is any meaning意味があれば  
In the fate that pulled us together,私達を一緒に引っ張った運命では、  
Then I am, yes, the Bibleそれから私はある、はい、聖書  
That teaches you of freedom.それは自由の教える。

A cruel angel's thesis残酷な天使の誦  
And then sorrow comes forthそして悲哀は来る  
When the shapes of the dreams you hold in your armsあなたがあなたの腕で保持する夢の形時  
Come to life within you.あなたの内の生命に来られる。  
Young boy, who shines brighter than anyone else,若い男の子、だれでもより明るい他に照らすかだれが、  
Rise to become a legend.伝誣?なる上昇。

People weave together love to create history歴史を作成するために人々は愛を一緒に編む  
And so I live on,そしてそう私は住んでいる、  
Unable to become a goddess...女神になることない...

A cruel angel's thesis残酷な天使の誦  
Will someday fly high from the window意志は窓からいつの日か高く飛ぶ  
If memories are betrayed by記憶が裏切られれば  
The overflowing, burning feelings.流出、非常に熱い感じ。  
Young boy, shine like a legend,若い男の子、伝誣?ような輝やき、  
Holding the sky in your arms.あなたの腕の空の把握。

Shinji looked at Asuka in disbelief.

"Ikari? But how? We're not-?" he asked pointing at himself and Asuka.

"No, we're not," Asuka reassured him.

"But we are." A familiar voice sounded from behind the medical curtain.

Gendo Ikari stepped out from behind the curtain and Shinji gasped. It was his father, yet not his father, he looked different, he was, happy?

"Yes, we're married." Gendo told Shinji.

"We have children," Asuka added, "They're twins, your age too."

Two teenagers entered the room. One was a slim girl with red hair and blue eyes; she was the spitting image of Asuka as a teenager. The other was a boy, with blue hair, who looked, exactly like, Rei?

"This is Tsukimi," Asuka said gesturing towards the girl.

"Hello Shinji," Tsukimi smiled.

Shinji looked at her, not knowing what to say.

"And this is Mikito." Asuka said pointing to the boy.

Shinji felt odd looking at Mikito. He wondered if the boy knew that he was the exact image of the girl who had tried to kill him. He wondered if he knew he looked like this particular girl at all.

"Hello, brother." Mikito greeted holding out his hand.

Shinji looked at Mikito's hand and then at Mikito.

"I am not your brother." He said sourly.

Mikito and Tsukimi both looked extremely hurt.

"SHINJI! I understand you might be a bit upset but that is no reason to take it out on your brother and sister!" Asuka yelled at him.

"DON'T talk to me like you're my mother!" He argued.

"You must understand that I had to move on and part of moving on meant my marrying your father." She tried to reason.

"Yes, Shinji, you must accept it." Gendo also reasoned.

"This is wrong," Shinji said in disgust.

"Shin-" Tsukimi started.

"GET OUT!" Shinji screamed.

"Shinji, don't do this," Asuka cried.

"GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!" He repeated.

Mikito gave Shinji a look of pure hatred as they all left the room leaving Shinji to try and work out what had just happened.

"This is just a dream, a horrible nightmare from the accident," Shinji said to himself.

"It isn't real!" He told himself repeatedly pinching himself.

"OUCH! WAKE UP!" He screamed, "WAKE UP YOU FUCKER!"

After about ten minutes and an extremely sore arm later Shinji accepted that this was real.

"This is just fucking great, it's not bad enough that I had to get hit by a truck, nooo, the love of my life _had_ to marry my FATHER! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Just throw it all at me why don't you fate!" He shrieked.

"Well there's no way I'm going to hang around here and be a part of that freak-show family!" He said getting out of the hospital bed and grabbing the clothes that had been put in a cupboard next to his bed.

Slowly opening the door to the corridor he looked around to make sure the coast was clear. Seeing that nobody was around he quickly darted out and made a break for the front door. As he ran he was looking behind him and he ran into someone.

"Sor- oh shit!" Shinji swore as he saw that he had run into Mikito. He quickly got up and ran. Mikito ran after him.

"Shinji, fucking come back here!" He yelled at Shinji. Being in better shape than Shinji, Mikito quickly caught up to him and tackled him to the ground. He pinned Shinji to the ground and held him there.

"You're not going anywhere, you spoilt little drama queen!" He threatened Shinji, but Shinji had other ideas.

"Oh, but I think that it is you who is not going to go anywhere." Shinji said smartly, kneeing Mikito in the balls and breaking his nose with one punch.

Mikito instantly rolled off Shinji and was rolling on the cold, hospital floor in pain. Shinji got up off the floor and ran as fast as he could, out of the hospital and into the city.

Shinji ran to the last spot he remembers being before the accident. The city looked different than last time he was here. Eighteen years had seemed to grey over the whole city. The corner of Old Tokyo 2 street and NERV drive was cracked and broken but on the corner where he had last stood was a sign and a fresh bunch of flowers. Shinji read the sign and began to cry. It read:

_These flowers are placed here in hope that one-day, our dear beloved Pilot Shinji Ikari will awake from his coma and join us once more. For my true love, come back to us Shinji._

The sign was made by an Asuka Langley. The flowers seemed to have been changed every day by the look of them.

Shinji sat on the curb and smiled weakly. She does love me, he thought. As he wiped away a tear he saw someone come and sit next to him. He looked to his right and it was Tsukimi.

"Oh, it's you." He said bitterly.

"I had a feeling you'd be here." She said, her voice was so much like Asuka's.

"Yeah, well, why would you care?"

"Because my mother does." Tsukimi told him.

Shinji looked at Tsukimi, her eyes scared him because they were so much like Asuka's that for a moment he forgot that it wasn't her.

"You know," she continued, "my mother has come to this spot everyday with a bunch of flowers for longer than I remember."

Shinji looked at the flowers. He could see Asuka standing there, crying and it made Shinji cry too. Tsukimi laid a hand on Shinji's back but he brushed her off. Even he touch, her touch felt like Asuka's touch.

"Look!" She said, standing up in annoyance, "what do you want me to say, hu? Do you want me to apologise for being born? Because I can't do that!"

Shinji looked up at her, his eyes red. Tsukimi sat back down and spoke calmly.

"Shinji, why did you run? Why do you not want to be part of our family? Why do you hate us?" She asked.

"Because I'm not your brother! I hate that fucking Mikito because he is an asshole AND he looks exactly like the girl who pushed me in front of that fucking truck and I would hate you if you didn't look so fucking much like Asuka!" He cried.

Tsukimi looked at Shinji, just getting it all.

"You loved her," she said, "you loved her, didn't you Shinji?"

Shinji closed his eyes and remained silent. Tsukimi held Shinji's face with her hands and made him look at her.

"Look at me Shinji." She whispered.

Shinji opened his brown eyes to look Tsukimi in her blue ones. Tsukimi looked Shinji in his brown eyes and for some strange reason she couldn't look away from them.

"Shinji, this is wrong," she said quietly.

Shinji didn't take notice to what she just said and neither did she as they both came together in a deep kiss.

**Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein **

God knows I don't want to be an angel


End file.
